June, 2023

<aside> 👋🏽 Hi everyone, It's me again.

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I haven't written in so long. I miss it. Well, God instructed to write about this. He instructs me to share the most vulnerable things that occur in my life and through out writing this, I begged the Holy Spirit to assist me just like He always has.

I struggled with writing this, I struggled trust me, maybe because I never thought I'd share this. Writing this, I stopped quite a lot and procrastinated a lot.

Few reasons why:

1. I am still in my healing journey and I don't believe I am fully there yet, I am trusting God for full healing and a healthy mind.
2. I am still dealing with a lot of changes that has occurred in my life and I am trying to settle in till it feels completely natural.
3. I am still in the process of finding myself and learning about Nkiru which is why sharing this feels a little too early.

<aside> 😇 But you know the drill, I have to obey my Father…

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<aside> <img src="/icons/checkmark-line_gray.svg" alt="/icons/checkmark-line_gray.svg" width="40px" /> My life goal is actually just one thing, to see Jesus glorified in every single thing that happens to me, in the great, the good and the not so good. Because, you see in the midst of it all, God is present, He is always with me, He loves me so much and I would honour his presence every single day of my life.

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Sometime in September, 2022, I was at a phase in my life where I needed direction from God and I was uncertain about a lot of things. In that prayer time, I was fortunate to come across a pastor who asked me what I wanted from God and of course I said I wanted direction. We prayed together and he said the word God has for me was Matt 6: 33,

'Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. '

Matthew 6:33

At this time of my life, I had everything I thought I needed, a relationship, a community of friends, multiple sources of income but in all this I felt lost and I knew something was definitely missing, I was not really pruning my relationship with God, It was just static, I definitely was not living the life he wanted me to, I mean I had given my life to Christ, but I still indulged in living worldly, I mean was stuck there, I didn't really know another way I could be living, or may be I did but I didn't think it was for me, I definitely knew it would change the whole routine of my life that I was used to.

I was a little surprised that that was the word that God had for me, because in my naive little brain, I was seeking him. I mean… I prayed every morning in my prayer journal, I had Bible devotionals, I listened to sermons and I tried to listen to him when I could. It was then that I realised that this particular verse that I had read a bazillion times and even had highlighted in my digital Bible hadn't really sunk in and I did not understand at all what Jesus meant.

The Prayer:

I didn't know what direction to take, and I felt like I had no one to turn to. It was during this time that I decided to pray that changed everything for me.

The prayer goes like this:

"God, please I thought I have been seeking your kingdom please help me, I don't know how to go about it, please help me.” Show me the way and give me the strength to follow it. Amen.”