December, 2021 - Sepetember, 2022
<aside> 👋🏽 Hey, Everyone reading this
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Man! Am I reluctant to write this??! Mostly because, first, I don't exactly know how to go about writing it and second, It's putting me in a very vulnerable place. But I'd love to continue.
Okay I started writing and it's quite lengthy, but please take your time to read. Thank you! God bless you🧡
<aside> 👉🏼 Disclaimer: I am not spiritually mature. I am still learning about God but I know that I love him and He loves me which is why I am moved to share this.
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Fun Fact: I am writing this is way before getting any offer or any job. I have been in an anxious place and my mind has been wandering to really horrible scenarios. The Holy Spirit told me to write this now, I am wondering why but I have to obey regardless.
This doesn't take away the fact that what I am doing is pretty weird and quite insane but we move and after all, God tells us in Isaiah 55:8 that '“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.'
Simply put, what we think makes sense to us might be insanely stupid to God and what our brains conceive as unreasonable is exactly what is in God's mind.
I have not been out of a job in a long while. If you know me very well, my work is a very important part of my life. It keeps me really grounded and stable, and I enjoy being active and having something to do. That was something I used to take pride in. There's no time to relax! Workaholic Nkiru juggles school and a full-time job! Now that I think about it, I find it amusing, even extremely hilarious because how is that normal, who wants to work all the time? Anyways, I liked that. I guess a majority of my self-worth lied in my job and in what I was doing.
I used to work remotely for an amazing company in the United States where I wore multiple hats. I liked working there but I lost interest and work became redundant and not as impactful as I would have loved it to be. I started seeking out new opportunities. Upon that, I got an offer in London, this company was a very early start-up. In my interview process, they seemed very promising and they gave hopes of so many perks if I were to work with them. I was sold. Typically I would consult with God if this was a right fit. In this case, I did not. Welp! I went ahead and started the new job. I thought it was perfect, why: I had free 2 weeks break that allowed me to study for my final exams, There was room for growth, I was eager to build design maturity in the company and lead junior designers. I was very excited about this.
When you start a new job, there's always this excitement that comes with it, I did not really have that here. It was just meh! I found myself asking God that now that I have this new job what's the next step? Is this it? I prayed for direction because I did not see how this would go long-term or help in my long-term goals. This prayer shot me in the leg😂 God answered too quickly.
I got a dream, God speaks to me through dreams at times. In this dream, Apostle Joshua Selman, if you know him, was praying for me and asking me to confess, so I was confessing and yelling, That The Lord loves me! God loves me. I believe this was just an affirmation of God's love for me even in storms.
When I started the job, I noticed some teammates would leave the company all of a sudden without any announcement, also the reason I was hired was not very understood by the CEO (and I was willing to let them know), very short timelines on projects, no formal work hours and excessive micromanaging. This was extremely different to what I was used to in my former workplace. After working for a while in this company, I got cut off abruptly from the slack office, revoked access to my work email and later, a termination letter. This was all very weird. I was so distraught and in panic mode. I don't know what it is like to not have a job and I have responsibilities!
I had consoled myself and told myself that jobs are waiting for me and in no time I'd get another one. Now, I was without a job, just finished from uni, nothing to do. Everywhere was quiet. Everything was quiet, no rush hours, no early morning standups, no documentations, no working late, Just me, myself and I. I decided to go back to Bible Journalling. I came across a sermon on Seasons and why rest is important. I remember being very vulnerable to God. I told him I was scared and not settled with the fact that I had no job and He told me; less noise, He also said: 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.' Proverbs 3:5.